AN OPEN LETTER TO JUDITH REGAN


Dear Judith,

I was saddened--and ridiculously entertained, I must admit--to hear of your recent firing, and consequent plans to take over the film industry. However, before you make such a move, I have a proposition that you might not be able to resist. Impetus Press is a small, independent publishing house located in Iowa City, Iowa that publishes serious literary fiction with a pop edge. I can almost see your right eyebrow raising almost imperceptibly as you read those last words--its right up your alley, isn't it? But I digress. Currently, we have a position available for someone of your considerable experience. Judith--and I hope you don't mind that we seem to be on a first name basis already--Iowa City is a virtual haven. Isn't that just what you need right now? There is art and culture, numerous theater performances, fine dining, and practially no jews to speak of! I think you'd be very comfortable in our quaint little college town full of liberals and lefties--along with the occasional right-wing extremist lunatic. And think of how far your housing dollars would go! In Iowa City, you can buy a 5 bedroom Victorian home for under $300,000! Try doing that in Hollywood.

And, I hope it goes without saying that, here at Impetus, you'd have the run of the house. Replace ALL the mezzuzah's with $100 bills! We don't care! Judith, Impetus needs a strong leader, a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. I'm too tired most of the time to really occupy that position to the best of my ability, and, from what I've heard from your former co-workers and assistants, you play the part of a castrating bitch (and I mean that as a compliment) flawlessly. Sure, some people say you're demanding, "a complete nightmare" to work with, but Willy and I would welcome your blast of creative energy--even if it came with a barrage of screaming and insults. In fact, such talk would wash over us like a cool wind off the Pacific ocean. Judith, I want to make it plain that here, your talents would be both appreciated and revered.

In closing, we eagerly await your response. Judith, please consider moving to Iowa City and heading up the soon-to-be-next publishing house to be reckoned with.

We promise you won't be sorry.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Banash and Willy Blackmore
Publishers
Impetus Press